In the morning dew,
Muddied and cool —
Just one look at that should tell readers that hokku is nothing at all like what we think of as “poetry” in the West, which is why I generally do not refer to hokku as “poems.” To think of them as “poems” or “poetry” just confuses the reader unfamiliar with hokku.
This is a particularly stark example. It just presents the reader with four elements — morning dew, mud, coolness, and melons, but those all combine to form one harmonious unity, one sensory impression.
R. H. Blyth used this verse (but in his own translation) as an example of verses that “baffle the commentator.” He then says,
“All he might say is legs to the snake, horns to the rabbit, for these lines bring us as close to the thing-in-itself as possible.”
What he means is that such a hokku is so very close to the primary sensory experience that anything added would take away from or distort it needlessly, like trying to add legs to a snake or put horns on a rabbit.
This verse is a primordial sensory experience, and it is the kind of verse that would come from the mind of child, from the early years when sensory experience is so important — the taste of a thing, its feel when touched, its sound, its visual appearance, its smell — before we grow older and begin adding our own mental elaboration and ornamentation to everything we see. Or as we say in hokku, “Before thinking and commentary are added.”
The hardest thing, of course, is to be aware enough to note a subject like this, one that is so completely simple yet nonetheless has an inexpressible sense of significance to it. Move away from that ever so slightly, and it is all lost.
If we were to analyze this verse structurally, it breaks down like this:
Setting: In the morning dew
Subject: The melons
Action: Muddied and cool
Now you may say that technically, “muddied and cool” are descriptive words, not literally “action.” But remember that in hokku “action” is just a reminder word that hokku should have something moving or changing.
“Well,” you may say, “I don’t see anything moving or changing in this.” Technically you would be right, but intuitionally we feel the change that early morning brings, with its cool dewdrops that turn the dust on the melons to mud. And so that is our “action” in this verse.