As long-time readers here know, hokku is seasonal verse. Every verse is an event set in the context of a particular season.
In old hokku (which was Japanese), this became too systematized, so that if one wrote about frogs, it was automatically assumed that such a verse was a “spring” verse. But in modern hokku, a frog verse can be for any season in which a frog appears. For us in the temperate zone, that would be in spring, summer, or early autumn.
Ordinarily we do not write or read hokku that are out of season, but an exception is made for general instruction, and that is why today, on a very chilly and wet day in autumn, I am going to briefly discuss a couple of “frog” hokku.
The kind of language used in writing Japanese hokku was telegraphic, which means a translation of such a verse is often likely to come out longer in English. Here is an example by Wakyu:
Hitotsu tobu oto ni mina tobu kawazu kana
That literally reads, “One jumps sound at, all jump; frogs….”
Put into ordinary English, we would say,
At the sound of one jumping, they all jump; frogs.
But of course in English that is not as clear as we would like it, because English tends to be more definite than Japanese. We would want it to say,
“At the sound of one frog jumping in, they all jump in; frogs.” That way it is clear that they are not jumping on land, but jumping into water.
R. H. Blyth translated the verse very much like that, only he took the very last word — “frogs” — and moved it into the main body of the verse, like this:
At the sound of one jumping in,
All the frogs
That comes out top-heavy and a bit awkward visually, though it makes sense and is clear. That kind of out-of balance verse often results from trying to translate everything in an original into English. But we could achieve essentially the same thing and gain the brevity so helpful in hokku by leaving out the word oto — “sound,” like this:
When one jumps in,
They all jump.
That is better balanced, and it is very close to the sense of the original without being overly long.
We could do the same for another “frog” hokku (by Ryōto) that Blyth places right after that one in his anthology. In the original, it is:
Hashi wateru hito ni shizumaru kawazu kana
Bridge cross person at quieten frogs kana
Blyth again makes it too top-heavy in his translation. That is acceptable when one is trying to convey the meaning of the original, which was what Blyth was doing and doing well, but it is not good in writing hokku in Engish. Blyth has:
Someone passed over the bridge,
And all the frogs
An additional problem is that the translation reads a little to much like a single run-on sentence. We could achieve the same effect by putting it into better form:
Crossing the bridge;
All the frogs
There are multiple ways of translating the same verse, and multiple ways of writing such hokku in English. The trick is not to go too far, not to try to put too much into a verse. Keep it simple and direct. Did you notice in that last verse that even though the first line looks considerably longer than the other two, it is still only three words, just like the second line?
Just an additional remark, and that will be it for now. You probably saw the untranslated word kana at the end of each Japanese hokku. The Japanese used it as a kind of meditative pause at the end, but they also, quite honestly, often used it just to pad out the required seventeen phonetic units standard in Japanese hokku. In English, punctuation does the trick when a sense of pause is needed, but actually in many cases it does not need to be reflected in the translation at all, given that in so many cases it is just “filler.”