As many of you know, originally hokku was written in seventeen Japanese phonetic units, 5-7-5. And if you have been reading here, you know that Japanese phonetic units are not precisely the equivalent of English syllables.
You also know that structurally, English and the kind of Japanese used in hokku are quite different. Nonetheless, some of you may wonder why writing in the 5-7-5 syllable form so common in elementary school “poetry” instruction is not a workable equivalent in English, even if a bit different.
It is a workable equivalent, but only with great care. Writing in 5-7-5 form in English generally means that one has to add unnecessary words to a hokku, and that often violates the poverty of hokku by giving it too much content. That is why I discourage using the 5-7-5 form.
To illustrate that, here is a summer hokku by Buson:
Coolness;
The sound of the bell
Leaving the bell.
That is all that is required to put Buson’s verse into English. Look at the number of syllables:
2
5
4
That is only eleven syllables in English, when the original has seventeen phonetic units! If we insist that the verse must be in five-seven-five form, we have to add six unnecessary syllables pointlessly, merely to fill out the supposedly required number.
If we apply the same principle to original hokku written in English, it is logical to assume that such hokku will, in general, be longer and have more internal content (nouns and verbs) than a hokku did or should have. The brevity of hokku is very important, because it is a focused transmission of a sensory experience in the context of the season. The more we add to such a verse the less focused it becomes, and the less it expresses the poverty that is such an important characteristic of hokku.
Here is another summer hokku by Buson:
Lotus leaves –
A covering for the mirror
Of water.
Not a very good hokku, but only fourteen syllables. To add more simply to fill a 5-7-5 requirement would mean adding the unnecessary.
Perhaps that helps readers understand why we do not teach 5-7-5 syllable hokku here. It simply does not work as well or keep as close to the brevity of the old hokku. That does not mean it is impossible to write hokku using 5-7-5, but it certainly makes it more difficult.
Incidentally, some of you may wonder why, with occasional exceptions, the old hokku that I translate may also be found somewhere in R. H. Blyth’s writings, though in different translations. The reason is simple. Blyth has already gone through the vast hoard of old hokku, and has selected the best of them to include in his volumes. Most of what is left (those Blyth excluded) is inferior to those he presents. So though from time to time I will use something not found also in Blyth, most of the hokku I use as the best models for students will also be found in some form in Blyth, simply because he has already preselected the best from historical sources. That is one more confirmation of his generally excellent taste and educated discrimination in such matters, and one more reason why one should read him with care and appreciation.
David
